In Retrospect...
This past weekend was full of memories, and reflection upon the past...and I'm not sure why or what brought it on.
In particular, I thought of someone that I hadn't thought of in a while, and began to miss them. (Don't try to guess who this is, because it isn't who most of you would expect...:-).
Memories of moments spent together, of conversations we had...places we went together...all these memories came flooding back...and that's not necessarily a good thing.
It has always been hard for me to move on when friendships fade, because I hang on to the joy and the good times...I had done pretty well over time with this one. However, this weekend as I relived experiences with this person in my mind, I felt saddened and I felt as if I possibly was doing the wrong thing by distancing myself. All the good qualities of this person came back into my mind, and I have been waging a battle within myself to remember the reasons why the friendship faded away.
It's ironic how in retrospect things can look completely different...people can seem like angels, when they really tore you apart inside...you forget the mistakes, the insults, the hurt, the deception...you forget all the times they tried to change you into someone they wanted you to be...and all you remember are the shining moments, the moments when you felt the most at peace with this person...when you loved this person a great deal, and it seemed like nothing could tear you apart...
I think that in this instance I'd have to disagree with the saying that "hindsight is 20/20", because my vision is definitely blurred at the moment, pertaining to this person. I cannot seem to remind myself enough that if I hadn't left this friendship, I would not be where I am today--working towards wholeness, and becoming more and more confident in who I am.
I just have to remember that the Lord gives and takes away (Job...can't remember the verse), and that I have to continue along the path on which He has placed me. This person was in my life for a reason, and I am grateful, for I have grown and matured despite the pain and hurt that caused the growth...
"...I will walk through the fire if You want me to...it may not be the way I would have chosen...You never said it would be easy--You only said I'll never go alone." --Ginny Owens
In particular, I thought of someone that I hadn't thought of in a while, and began to miss them. (Don't try to guess who this is, because it isn't who most of you would expect...:-).
Memories of moments spent together, of conversations we had...places we went together...all these memories came flooding back...and that's not necessarily a good thing.
It has always been hard for me to move on when friendships fade, because I hang on to the joy and the good times...I had done pretty well over time with this one. However, this weekend as I relived experiences with this person in my mind, I felt saddened and I felt as if I possibly was doing the wrong thing by distancing myself. All the good qualities of this person came back into my mind, and I have been waging a battle within myself to remember the reasons why the friendship faded away.
It's ironic how in retrospect things can look completely different...people can seem like angels, when they really tore you apart inside...you forget the mistakes, the insults, the hurt, the deception...you forget all the times they tried to change you into someone they wanted you to be...and all you remember are the shining moments, the moments when you felt the most at peace with this person...when you loved this person a great deal, and it seemed like nothing could tear you apart...
I think that in this instance I'd have to disagree with the saying that "hindsight is 20/20", because my vision is definitely blurred at the moment, pertaining to this person. I cannot seem to remind myself enough that if I hadn't left this friendship, I would not be where I am today--working towards wholeness, and becoming more and more confident in who I am.
I just have to remember that the Lord gives and takes away (Job...can't remember the verse), and that I have to continue along the path on which He has placed me. This person was in my life for a reason, and I am grateful, for I have grown and matured despite the pain and hurt that caused the growth...
"...I will walk through the fire if You want me to...it may not be the way I would have chosen...You never said it would be easy--You only said I'll never go alone." --Ginny Owens
posted by Lesa at 10/24/2004 11:19:00 PM
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